School Daze

My mom asked me if I wanted to go to the school play with her tonight. I couldn't. Not yet.
I don't know why. I don't know what I'm scared of facing. My old school mates, my old teachers, the questions I'll get asked. . .
Maybe it was just that I got a 30 minute notice and didn't get a chance to get all dolled up. So I can give everyone a big "fuck you" and look hot. I don't know.
I hate myself so much for not being able to face my past. I always tell myself (and everyone else) I don't regret it, so why can't I go back? I know if I do I'll freak out. I know I'll have an anxiety attack and want to leave right away. I'm so disapointed in myself because of that. I don't know when I'll be ready, but not yet. Not now.

I've been having trouble sleeping again. I don't know if it's because I've been sleeping in late, or what. But last night, I didn't get to bed until 8 AM. I woke up at 5. It's a problem.

I was going to go to QYDI tonight, but I dont' know a) what time it is and b) where it it. plus, all my friends are probably at the play, so it would've been really weird. Maybe next week. Yet another fact in my life that I'm having trouble facing.